Hey, everyone. This is just a short post to say I’m still around and thinking of the blog, but I’m suffering from ???? that I’m just calling “writer’s block” since that expresses really fast something that is basically correct, except I have been through a lot of writer’s block and know how to deal with it and this is different. I still have plenty to say – I’m still composing blog posts in my head during insomnia hours, and have a couple dozen drafts half finished, or finished but in full-ramble stage where I have to go back and pull out as much ADD as possible.
I don’t know if this means I’m all better now and will resume posting regularly. Honestly, probably not. But my lack of ability to do a lot of writing is super stressing me, especially since I don’t know what’s wrong. With a bit of coaxing from friends, especially my bestie, I’m trying to give myself permission to just bow out for a bit. Maybe the problem is depression (though I don’t think so? I’m preeetty familiar with my own depression and it just doens’t feel like that’s the problem…) or the fact that my two-year-old is really picking up on the making sure I have the full mom-of-a-two-year-old experience, or that the TV is now in the living room so I can choose to locate, acquire, and if necessary, steal all the valuables in all of Skyrim while stabbing vampires and past dragonborn jerks who yoink my hard-earned dragon souls. Though I mean major video game distractions are ceeertainly not new at all to me so …? Maybe it’s the positioning of the computer. It’s not great for watching the kid; it’s against a far wall in the living room. Not sure where else to move it. Maybe I could pick up a laptop for writing and stuff sometime? I don’t know. I don’t know what my problem is. but I open up a new blog post or Scrivener, stare at the screen, and then close it, either alt tab to something else or just put the computer back to sleep.
Maybe taking time to bow out is really what I need. I’m a stranger to burnout and that doesn’t make sense here either – I wasn’t pushing myself that much and I’ve done far worse with no repercussions. I’m a nine-time NaNo winner, I KNOW writing stress! But maybe it’s not about burnout. Maybe I can’t figure out what’s wrong when I’m pushing myself to do something I just can’t right now and then spending the rest of my time stressing about my lack of progress.
If I can, I’m going to be writing a couple of short stories since some members want to do an anthology. We’ll see if I can’t pick back up from there, eh?